remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize