I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
