i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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