At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
