Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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