Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
