I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
