dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
