Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need to align my fucking chakras
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
