We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
