Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
