official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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