I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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