need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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