is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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