I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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