Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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