Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it because I queefed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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