We won't sleep together?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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