Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
