i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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