The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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