Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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