I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
