Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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