Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
