You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
