I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
