I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
