After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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