He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I will pee on everything he values.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
