meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
