Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
