i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had sex on a roof
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
