Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
