around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
