I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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