so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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