a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
