he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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