A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
