Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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