I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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