Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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