If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
