At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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