so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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