i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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