If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
