At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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