1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
