I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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