naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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