I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works