She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
