how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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