living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
