every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
