last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
