Ambien. No doubt about it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
