Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
