Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
