I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
