This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
