We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
