I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
