I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
