btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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