Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
